Counseling and Therapy, LGBTQ Therapy, Relationships

How to Be Supportive When Someone You Love Is Trans or Non Binary

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As a gender therapist, I see a lot of trans and non-binary people in my counseling work. One thing that often comes up in therapy is confusion/misunderstanding among family members. I often get parents calling me for counseling, saying that their teen has come out as trans or non-binary and they don’t know what that means or what to do to support their child.

This blog post offers tips that I often cover in therapy, on how to be supportive of your loved one. It is part of a series of posts intended to offer help and guidance to anybody who loves someone who is trans or non-binary. (more…)

Counseling and Therapy

Someone I Love is Trans or Non-Binary: A Primer on Terminology

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So you’ve recently discovered that someone you love and care about it trans or non-binary. As a trans affirming therapist I work with a lot of teens and adults discovering their gender identity. For the person doing the discovering, this can be a time mixed with emotions like excitement, fear, anxiety, hope, relief, and happiness. Something I see a lot in therapy are parents, friends, or lovers being supportive of their loved ones, but not being sure what all of this means. Over the next month or two I would like to take the time to help you understand more about what it means to be trans or non-binary, some terminology, what you can do to help and be supportive, and what might come next. In this segment:

Some Terms You’ll Likely Hear When Talking About Trans and Non-Binary Issues.


Counseling and Therapy, Couples Therapy, Relationships

Five Couples Therapy Relationship Questions Answered.

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I was published in Style Magazine again! Check it out! ^_^
Style Magazine: 5 Relationship Questions Answered

Just like I did with the last article that was published in Style Magazine, the following is a copy of the original article…with a couple videos and 6 questions answered instead of five, because I couldn’t decide on which to use :-p (more…)

Codependency, Counseling and Therapy, Couples Therapy, LGBTQ Therapy, Relationships

Interviewed By a Local Therapist

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A friend and local therapist recently interviewed me for her counseling blog. We talked a little about addiction, codependency, couples therapy, and what led me to become a counselor. Take a look! ^_^ :

An Interview: Joe Borders Couples, Teen, and LGBTQ Therapist

If you have any questions about anything in this post or would like to talk to me about therapy and counseling, give me a call sometime. I am a local therapist with offices in Sacramento and Roseville.

Joe Borders, MFT
Counseling and Therapy in Roseville and Sacramento
(530) 448-6602

1722 Professional Drive,
Sacramento, CA 95825
775 Sunrise Ave., suite 110
Roseville, Ca 95661
More about counseling and therapy with me

Counseling and Therapy, LGBTQ Therapy

Queerbaiting: a modern problem for the LGBTQ community

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Queerbaiting has been coming up a lot in therapy recently. In my work as an LGBTQ therapist. a common theme that comes up is the feeling of being under represented, trivialized, and/or made to be the target of jokes by mainstream culture. The kind of sentiment that brings up these emotions is especially present in a lot of mainstream media. Many in the LGBTQ community have found ways to cope with and tolerate this exclusion in the media, but it can be difficult, and sometimes feel even worse when it seems as if there might be some LGBTQ inclusion and there turns out to be none. (more…)

Addiction Counseling, Codependency, Counseling and Therapy, Relationships

Codependency: What it is and How it Happens

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What is Codependency

Codependency is one of the most common things I work on with people in counseling. I would honestly guess that at least 90% of the people I see in therapy struggle with some form of codependency. Chances are you’ve heard the word codependency before, but do you really know what it means? Most people have some kind of negative connotations associated with the word. In my experience, a lot of people fixate on the word “dependent”, and think codependency means that they are excessively needy and can’t live without a particular person they’re fused with. This can be the situation in severe cases but


ADHD, Anxiety Counseling, Counseling and Therapy, Healthy Coping Skills, Mindfulness

How to Control Anxiety: Breathing Exercises.

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Some of the most valuable and useful tools I teach people in counseling are breathing exercises. If you struggle with anxiety, stress, or anger then breathing exercises are for you! Sometimes I get clients who scoff at the idea when I bring it up, but the way you breathe is actually really important. We’re going to cover 2 things about breathing in this post: why the way you breath is so important and how to breath to relax and combat anxiety, stress, anger, and even fear. I also recorded my first YouTube video for this post, so be sure to check that out!


Counseling and Therapy, Teen Therapy

Autistic Character Introduced on Sesame Street

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Something really awesome happened this week and I needed to have it collected somewhere so I could share with people. Sesame Street just introduced an autistic character to the show. My understanding is that she has been in books before but never on the show. In my counseling work I have heard many parents of children on the spectrum talk about the frustration and disappointment they feel about a lack of opportunities for their children to be included in things with other non spectrum kids. This is such a great movement in a positive direction that will help autistic children to feel more accepted and help non spectrum children to understand autism and feel more comfortable interacting with their peers on the spectrum. I just wanted to collect and post a few videos here because I think its awesome! ^_^


attachment, Codependency, Couples Therapy, Relationships

The Still Face Experiment and Attachment Injuries.

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As children we are uniquely vulnerable and really need love and connection from our parents, just as much as we need food and shelter. Studies have shown that children who are deprived of this love basically stop growing, and in severe cases they can even die. This has come to be known as “failure to thrive”. Due to numerous different circumstances many of us had the experience of being dropped or abandoned by our parent(s). In emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT) we talk about “attachment injuries” – times when you needed your someone close to you and he/she wasn’t there for you or was cold/despondent and just really let you down or hurt you. This kind of experience can be scarring, and can affect the way a person relates with the world.