Codependency

Codependency, Couples Therapy, LGBTQ Therapy

Interviewed By a Local Therapist


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A friend and local therapist recently interviewed me for her counseling blog. We talked a little about addiction, codependency, couples therapy, and what led me to become a counselor. Take a look! ^_^ :

An Interview: Joe Borders Couples, Teen, and LGBTQ Therapist

If you have any questions about anything in this post or would like to talk to me about therapy and counseling, give me a call sometime. I am a local therapist with offices in Sacramento and Roseville.

Joe Borders, MFT
Counseling and Therapy in Roseville and Sacramento
(530) 448-6602

1722 Professional Drive,
Sacramento, CA 95825
&
775 Sunrise Ave., suite 110
Roseville, Ca 95661
More about counseling and therapy with me

Addiction Counseling, Codependency

Codependency: What it is and How it Happens


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What is Codependency

Codependency is one of the most common things I work on with people in counseling. I would honestly guess that at least 90% of the people I see in therapy struggle with some form of codependency. Chances are you’ve heard the word codependency before, but do you really know what it means? Most people have some kind of negative connotations associated with the word. In my experience, a lot of people fixate on the word “dependent”, and think codependency means that they are excessively needy and can’t live without a particular person they’re fused with. This can be the situation in severe cases but

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Codependency, Couples Therapy

The Still Face Experiment and Attachment Injuries.


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As children we are uniquely vulnerable and really need love and connection from our parents, just as much as we need food and shelter. Studies have shown that children who are deprived of this love basically stop growing, and in severe cases they can even die. This has come to be known as “failure to thrive”. Due to numerous different circumstances many of us had the experience of being dropped or abandoned by our parent(s). In emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT) we talk about “attachment injuries” – times when you needed your someone close to you and he/she wasn’t there for you or was cold/despondent and just really let you down or hurt you. This kind of experience can be scarring, and can affect the way a person relates with the world.

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Codependency, Couples Therapy

Codependency and The Benjamin Franklin Effect


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Sometimes in relationships we feel the need to be everything for another person. To go above and beyond to take care of another person’s needs. We all want to be loved and  show those we love that we care for them, but having healthy boundaries means having a good balance between giving and taking. It is especially easy in new relationships, to go above and beyond to show your partner that you are someone he/she would like to be with.

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Codependency

Counseling: Healing from Shame


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This is a clip from the 2012 movie “The Sessions”. This bit of the movie really spoke to me and felt applicable to a lot of situations I have encountered in counseling. A major focus in a lot of counseling is shame we carry with us. As a therapist I often make the distinction between shame and guilt. Guilt is a normal thing we all feel at occasionally in our lives. It is when we feel badly about something we did or something negative we feel we played a part in. In contrast, shame is a deeply hurtful belief that we are fundamentally flawed, inadequate, a burden, a failure. Guilt is situational, shame is global, persistent, and unhealthy.

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