Have you ever wondered why you seem to have the same repeated relationship problems? Maybe you’ve encountered the same problems over and over in your current relationship. Or maybe you’ve noticed that you’ve had the same, or similar problems come up in different intimate relationships. There are several reasons why this can happen, a few of which are trauma and codependency. But in this blog post I am going to talk about something that you have probably never heard of before; Imago. (more…)
A while ago I wrote an article for the local Style Magazine. I thought it was a good one and figured I would share it here ^_^. The following is the unabridged version with accompanying videos.
7 Tips to Spice up Your Love Life
Everyone knows the deep, passionate love that is common in new relationships. As time goes on that passionate love tends to diminish when we get through what many people call “the honeymoon period”. This doesn’t mean that our relationships become any less valuable or meaningful, but people often talk about missing that passionate love they felt for their partner early in their relationship. Through vulnerability, open communication, and some exploration, you can reignite that passionate love. Here are seven things you can do to spice up your love life. (more…)
I was published in Style Magazine again! Check it out! ^_^
Style Magazine: 5 Relationship Questions Answered
Just like I did with the last article that was published in Style Magazine, the following is a copy of the original article…with a couple videos and 6 questions answered instead of five, because I couldn’t decide on which to use :-p (more…)
A friend and local therapist recently interviewed me for her counseling blog. We talked a little about addiction, codependency, couples therapy, and what led me to become a counselor. Take a look! ^_^ :
If you have any questions about anything in this post or would like to talk to me about therapy and counseling, give me a call sometime. I am a local therapist with offices in Sacramento and Roseville.
Joe Borders, MFT
Counseling and Therapy in Roseville and Sacramento
1722 Professional Drive,
Sacramento, CA 95825
775 Sunrise Ave., suite 110
Roseville, Ca 95661
More about counseling and therapy with me
As children we are uniquely vulnerable and really need love and connection from our parents, just as much as we need food and shelter. Studies have shown that children who are deprived of this love basically stop growing, and in severe cases they can even die. This has come to be known as “failure to thrive”. Due to numerous different circumstances many of us had the experience of being dropped or abandoned by our parent(s). In emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT) we talk about “attachment injuries” – times when you needed your someone close to you and he/she wasn’t there for you or was cold/despondent and just really let you down or hurt you. This kind of experience can be scarring, and can affect the way a person relates with the world.
My wife has been really into this tv show called Steven Universe for some time. It’s a pretty good show with a lot of valuable life lessons. Occasionally she listens to songs from it on YouTube. This particular one has stood out to me over the past couple of months. It’s a really good representation of mindfulness.
I was published in a magazine this month! Style magazine invited me to write about some tips for couples. The article was edited for publishing and reworded a little bit. the following is the pre-published version accompanied by my usual supporting videos :-p
How do you express and receive love in your relationships? This might seem like an odd question, but is an important thing to consider, and something I work on with most couples I see. In 1995 a relationship counselor; Dr. Gary Chapman released a book that detailed what he called the five love languages. His book has been wildly popular and the concept of love languages has been widely accepted and used by therapists around the world. The idea behind love languages is this: we all have different ways we perceive that we are loved and we tend to express love in those same ways. This means that what one might think would make their partner feel loved might actually not mean much to them. In this way, some couples speak very different love languages, and just like if they spoke two different verbal languages, they may not understand and receive the intentions behind their partner’s communications.
This is probably the video I most often refer my clients to watch. Often times in therapy, people find themselves evaluating their relationships and thinking about whether or not they are worth “the price of admission”. Is being with this person worth all of the difficulty associated with the relationship? Sometimes the answer is no, but when its framed within the context of “the price of admission”, often times people decide their relationships are worth it. We all have a fundamental need to be loved, cared for, and supported.
I stumbled upon this video after writing my blog post for last week. This is a good follow-up because it depicts the problem of empathy vs sympathy from the perspective of the person who is pulled to be “the fixer”. Sometimes another person’s problems may seem simple, obvious, or trivial, but you can never fully appreciate how that person feels about his or her situation. Attempting to solve another person’s problems effectively ignores the feelings associated with those problems.