by Joe Borders,
Therapist in Roseville, Ca

Working on Communication in Couples Therapy

Genuine human interactions with other people are an important part of a healthy, happy life. I’m not saying that you should spark up in depth conversations with everyone you meet, as may be depicted by this video, but its important to have open, meaningful conversations with people. Especially the ones you love. This is often a focus in counseling, and actually, one of the big ways counseling is helpful. When you go the therapy you will have deep meaningful conversations with your therapist that you might not be having elsewhere. This is something we all need, and can therapy can provide good practice for better expressing our emotions and engaging our loved ones in open, vulnerable discussion.

Many of us become closed off to others and tend to interact on a surface level.  I come across this problem all the time in couples therapy. Often times life gets in the way, we get stressed, busy, etc. and we switch into auto pilot. We all have this auto pilot mode which is basically us having more of a stimulus-response interaction with the world, doing the bare minimum to get our needs met as quickly and easily as possible. In couples therapy this often looks like two people who love each other but have forgotten to reconnect at the end of the day, after an argument, or just taking the time to touch base and reconnect on occasion. Relationships can take some work, and in this way we need to be mindful of our partners when we are stressed or tired and in auto pilot mode. Pick and choose your battles, but be sure to connect with your partner. Take time to reconnect and genuinely interact with each other.

One of the most common problems I see in couples therapy is when something comes up in life; school, work, a death in the family, the birth of a baby, etc, and two people who love each other forget to reconnect. This disconnect becomes the norm over time and they grow distant. It’s not that they don’t love each other or that either has done anything horribly wrong, they just forgot that part of a good relationship means taking care of the maintenance of reconnecting, talking about things, and having deep, emotional interactions.

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